(THIS IS NOT RAUNCHY, BUT IT MAY LEAD YOU INTO A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR CHILDREN… THAT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY BE HAVING EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES WITH YOU.)

Size does matter.

Watching an ad for a pill that supposedly made a man ‘bigger,’ I decided that I should research this as I had heard a lot of contradicting information about whether or not size matters. It turns out it is very important. Speaking with many women over many years, this is what I have learned.

A woman wants a man who is BIG. Big enough to admit when he is wrong. Big enough to shoulder responsibility. Big enough to dish out the verbal affirmation to his family that only he knows how to give.

But just big is not enough. He has to be LONG. He has to belong to his family. He has to belong to God. He has to belong to something greater than himself. He has be long suffering, while God grows him and those he loves.

He has to have REACH. He has to be able to reach past her insecurities and find and love the woman she truly is. He has to be able to reach out for help when he needs it and to reach those in need when they ask. He has to be able to reach those arms that reach out to him, whether they are spouse or children or the family cat.

He needs to be FIRM. Firm in his standards. Firm in his beliefs. Firm in his commitments. Firm in his resolve.

He has to be ROUND. He has to be round when his kids need ‘the talk.’ He has to be round when there is more month than money. He has to be round when his kids are being difficult. He has to be round when his wife has the flu.

After all those attributes, he also needs to have STAYING POWER. Staying when nights are long and tempers are short. Staying when friends and relatives tell him it would be okay if he goes. Staying when he has done something painful and heinous to the one person he loves the most and her very gaze causes him pain for the pain he’s caused her. Staying when he can’t remember why he’d stayed all the nights before.

He’ll have to PUT IN WORK. He’ll need to put in work around the house. He’ll need to put in work at the office. He’ll need to put in work with the kids. In fact she’ll want him to put in work in every room of the house. Maybe even in the bedroom, you know, when the bed needs to be made or clothes picked up.

Apparently, women also really value a man who can use his TONGUE. Using it to speak peace into troubled situations. Using it to speak love and comfort. Using it to build up his children with truth and love so that they can withstand the hatefulness of the world that they may encounter. Using it to tell his wife a brand new thing he loves about her every day for all their days together (no guy has done that perfectly, but no woman has complained in the attempt either). Walking into an argument where his wife, his mother and his mother-in-law have each staked a claim in the outcome of his decision, a real man will find a way to make each mother believe they are correct and inform them as to why they are going to do what his wife says. Yes, a real man can satisfy or at least take the heat off of multiple women using only his tongue.

So, it turns out those ads for those pills are actually advertising something needed.  They just don’t work on the parts of a man where a woman’s interest can be held for a lifetime.

If you find a pill that will help with any of these things in any meaningful way, then BUY IT. Better yet, invest in the company.